There Are Some Things We Can All Agree On

When I was a kid, I loved dinosaurs. I think maybe I've blogged or written about it somewhere before. Anyway, dinosaurs were like the chief driving force in my life for several years, like when I was about age 4 to 10 or so. Going to see Jurassic Park in a theater was a religious experience for me.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist church. My mom always got this magazine called Home Life, which was about preserving the sanctity of the Christian Home or something like that. On several occasions mom would save articles from Home Life to show me, and on at least one occasion, these articles were about dinosaurs. Apparently there is some disagreement between theologians and scientists as to when dinosaurs actually lived and became extinct. There are many (or at least some) Christian-type folks who believe that dinosaurs walked the Earth when people did, and that there are instances in the Bible where dinosaurs appear. For example, they point to books like Job 41, which talks about a "leviathan" whose "back has rows of shields tightly sealed together," which I don't know about you but that sounds an awful lot like a dinosaur to me. The whole reason for this dinosaur theory, I believe, is to discredit carbon dating and "prove" that God exists, as if somehow proving the world is only 6,000 years old would confirm it was divinely wrought.

Of course, scientists disagree, explaining that, based on clear fossil evidence, dinosaurs died out millions of years ago, well before homo sapiens appeared. Leave it to the heathen scientists to put a stop to our fun.

So anyway, the point: there is one thing that I know scientists and Christians can agree on. I know they agree on this because every person I have ever talked to about this matter has agreed. What is it that we all agree on?

Dinosaurs are fucking awesome.

Regardless of when dinosaurs might have existed, we can all agree that dinosaurs are epic, and we can at least have a rad discussion about who would win a fight between a stegosaurus and a triceratops. In the end, it doesn't matter so much whether God made dinosaurs or dinosaurs made themselves.

Edit: fixed typos, expanded 2nd & last paragraphs, and added awesome Dinotopia picture.

Is this real life?

There is a certain female student, JM, who I have this year in my class again. She is now a senior and the class she's in now is more or less a study hall with other seniors that is meant to provide them with an opportunity to work.

Last year, she was one of my worst students. She had a bad attitude, would always try and talk back to me, and would pretty much attempt to do whatever she wanted to do. It's not that she wasn't smart. She was one of the smarter students I had, and this was what made things difficult. JM would turn other students against me, and sour the mood of the whole class.

This year she's completely different. She is one of my best students. JM will actually quiet the class down if they are being loud. Today she came up to me and showed her progress report because she was proud of her GPA. This girl is nice to me. I am almost afraid of her because I expect her to turn on me at any minute (almost).

I haven't really done anything to warrant this change in her attitude other than to be relentlessly nice. I have helped her out with papers and showed her tricks on the computer. Really, I've always liked her in a way, as I do most students, and I enjoy seeing them succeed.

Today, JM invited me to come to her debate event this Saturday. I can't overstress how much this girl's attitude towards me has changed. I used to think she literally hated me; now I'm beginning to think she may actually like me.

Is this what it's like to parent a teenager?

Why Do People Read?

1. to get out of the real world

2. to learn about the way people or animals act

3. to enjoy using their mind

Mirrors

Last night I dreamt I was in a house with a girl that kept morphing identities (Which is not unusual in my dreams. It's probably the same for you). We were standing together and looking into a mirror. When we looked at the mirror from just the right angle, we caught a glimpse of what appeared to be a zombie-girl and I was filled with fear. This happened several times in the dream, and then the third time we looked into the mirror we saw what appeared to be a hipster owl (see picture).

I left the room and went into another bedroom, where my mom presented me with a wooden carving of another hipster owl. She told me she'd found it within the curtains that covered her room's window.

Immediately I woke up, terrified. It's been some time since a dream frightened me so badly it woke me up. My vision settled on the mirror that hangs on the inside of my bedroom door. I could see the reflection of my curtains and the light from the alleyway outside my window. Against all logic, I was afraid.

uhmerica

I really just wanted an excuse to write the word 'uhmerica'. Up until about 2 minutes ago I actually thought I made this word up, but apparently it's actually the title of Regina Spektor song. However, my version is not hyphenated and therefore better.

For some reason the word has been floating around in my head and randomly coming to the service for a matter of months now. Maybe now it'll go away.

Provo, Utah

We arrived in Provo at around 10 pm, tired and hungry. Being tired of sleeping on the cold hard ground, we'd opted to drive halfway to Vegas, leaving the Tetons at around 5 o'clock. Provo is a decent-sized town and the approximate halfway point.

Provo, I learned, is where BYU is located. The iPhone informed us that 88% of Provo's population identifies as Mormon, and the rest is mainly Hispanic. All of this I found mildlyinteresting but not particularly titillating, especially since we only planned to spend a brief night in the hotel without interacting heavily with the local populace.

Stumbling into our Best Western double-queen bedroom, I found a pulp-fiction book penned by none other than L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, sitting on the nightstand. As usual, I checked the drawer, only to find (to my disappointment) a regular Bible. Now things were getting good, as I imagined that there was an underground war being fought in Provo: the Mormon majority was being sniped by the guerilla Scientologists, one hotel room at a time.

Jesus and I headed out to find something to eat and soon settled on a local 24-hour taco place called el Monterrey or Las Pedro's or something like that. Staffed by Hispanics, the clientele was predominantly white people on what seemed to be second dates. As I ate my decent burrito (the chicken was dry and the thing just wasn't that flavorful, if you want to know), I watched the people in the restaurant to gain some insight on the Scientist/Mormon wars. A group of Mexicans came in, ordered to go. Also a group of Asians (!).

Three quarters of my burrito had vanished before I came to my most profound and horrifying conclusion of the night.

Every white male in the restaurant was dressed alike. It appeared that each one went into a Pac Sun and purchased the first T-shirt and shorts combo within reach. Every single one was wearing some combination of board shorts, Billabong shirts, flip flops, and/or those weird plaid button-up surfer shirts.

Here I was, sullenly eating my burrito in the company of these boisterous people who looked as if they'd been surfing all day without managing to get tans. They ate their burritos gleefully, helping themselves at the complementary salsa bar and eating while the melted cheese dripped down their chins. They talked to their girlfriends. They gulped their soda. Where was the war? Where was the tension, the book of Mormon, the starched white dress shirts, where was anything normal?

Thereis something too perfect about Provo, that paradise in the desert. It has been named by Forbes as one of the top 10 places in the country to raise a family. It ranked first for volunteerism in 2008, and the fourth-best place in the country for your health and well being. The Osmonds live there. Perhaps most alarmingly, it is projected to have the greatest population increase (47%) in the 2010 Census.

My unsettling experience in Provo left me with far more questions that answers. I leave you now with a simple image: that of Provo's flag. Yes, this is actually the official flag of the city. I'll allow it to speak for itself.

another open letter

Dear Chicago,

[I'm writing this on a PC using a dial-up internet connection, which is my version of hell]

I miss your mild climate and your breezes. I miss your plethora of restaurants and bars. I know I haven't updated this blog to you in a while, but I still love you.

Right now I'm in Greenwood, which is nothing like you at all. She's much smaller, hotter and sweatier. She never wants to do anything. Although Greenwood is my real home and you are my adopted one, I like you better. But don't tell Greenwood - she's the jealous type. I confess that I'll be seeing others before I'm in you again. This Saturday I'm flying to California and I'll be getting acquainted with quite a few West Coast cities and parks. But I'll be back to you soon. Count on me July 26.

I know I haven't been writing to you as often as you'd like, but that doesn't mean I have nothing to say. I have so much I want to tell you, but sometimes it's hard to find the words. We've been through a lot in the past year, and we have a long way to go. I can't promise you that we'll grow old together, but I will say this: I'll be back. I'll give you at least another year of my life.

I can do a better job. I'll write to you more, I promise. I haven't forgotten you, Chicago. See you soon.

Love,

Matthew